I wanted to share some of my personal journey, a tale of resilience, optimism and Madonna’s music being the soundtrack to my life.
To explain why I established Pure Confidence Coaching and share that no matter what trials and tribulations life throws at you, the resilience is within us all to own our uniqueness and live as your true authentic self!!
Living for Love
I arrived on Valentine’s Day, an innocent soul ready to face life….not many months after my birth-mother walked out on my father, leaving him to raise my older brother and me.
Not such a Lucky Star – but an Iconic legend. My dad was 27 years old when he found himself separated, soon to be divorced, and a single parent of two boys.
While our dad set off on a mission to find love and a mother for his boys. My brother and I moved in with our paternal grandparents, who spoiled us with love and gave us anything we wanted.
Reminiscent of Madonna’s hit “Living for Love,” where love and support will raise you up when life (or cape’s) try to pull you down.
As the years unfolded dad re-married the woman who at only 24 years old became Mum to two toddler boys, that were not biologically hers (with all the tears, tantrums and-shitty nappies)- Embracing motherhood as much as we embraced her.
Another legendary parent who never gets the credit she deserves for taking a chance and changing our lives for the better. A few years passed and we moved from the Potteries and crossed the Borderline as Mum established our home in Stone, Staffordshire.
Soon our family of four became six. With two brothers popping up in ’84 and ’88. A family united under one roof, forming a bond that seemed unbreakable.
Madonna’s anthem, “Papa Don’t Preach,” echoes our family’s resilience and my young parents’ determination to face life’s challenges together – no matter what anyone else thought.
Why’s It So Hard
In 1992, it wasn’t just the Queen having an Annus Horribilis as our parents separated. Mum moved out with my younger brothers while my older brother, and I remained with our dad.
Our sibling rivalry continued as he juggled his emotions and his GCSEs. While I remained upbeat, determined to thrive despite the turmoil.
Often unsure where our rivalry began, was it because I once took his ET Spaceship into school on the last day of summer 1983? or because I claimed his Immaculate Collection cassette as I declared Madonna as my Queen. Or because I just existed and therefore stole his limelight? I doubt it, but you never know!!
Express Yourself
Life had a way of surprising me with unexpected twists and turns. Working in France for a year as a holiday courier opened my eyes to different cultures, French boys, and my emerging sexuality.
A few months after my return, I announced at my 21st birthday that I was into guys – apparently an unrequired speech as I drunkenly turned up with someone, I met only two days before – we moved in together a few months later…it was a violent drug-fuelled situation…I moved out a few months after!!!
Now, I should add that all my siblings have been anchor’s in the storms of life for varying reasons and not least when I came out – not one of my brother’s (nor any member of my family to be honest) have ever made me feel ‘less than’ for my sexuality. I have been lucky to have been loved and supported for just being me – I guess as I won’t allow anyone to let me be anything but!!
A few years later a blown tyre in Wales found me unexpectedly flying out the back of a car window. Madonna’s Express Yourself represents the unpredictability of life and is also poignant as for some unknown reason (let’s say shock) I told the policeman who helped me rescue my Frijj milkshake from the central reservation that he was handsome.
Then took a photo of him before wandering off in search of my salad that had been tossed out the car before me – while we were spinning around on the road.
Hanky Panky
Navigating relationships as an out and proud man in my early 20’s became a rollercoaster ride, with failed romances, flings, and everything in between.
It was during this tumultuous period that Madonna’s “Hanky Panky” spoke to my soul. Through self-reflection and personal growth, I sought answers, found strength within, and took my body count into triple figures!!
Then came another “near-death” experience in Lanzarote when I fell two stories from a balcony. Miraculously, I escaped with only a cut eyebrow, though a sceptical doctor back home dismissed my concerns, suggesting I was wasting his time when I should be nursing broken bones, or much worse.
It was a wake-up call to appreciate life’s fragility, to not climb between balconies and to be grateful for a sturdy skull!
Nothing Fails
Then, in 2004, after months of conversation on Gaydar (who remembers that?) it led to a life-changing date (Plus, the Reinvention Tour).
As we fast forward to 2008, I found myself extremely happily married, honeymooned in Shanghai and adoption discussions ensued.
Only to face Another Suitcase in Another Hall and separation three years later – although we didn’t legally separate until 2021. It took me three years to get over the breakdown of my marriage.
But, with a good network of mates (Four straight guys) who were my foundation, my stability, and just amazing – they knew that if my eyes suddenly started leaking on the way to/from the gym, pub, Sainsbury’s, a house party. my mum’s – to just let me be. Marriage is great – Divorce sucks. Friends are priceless!!!
Live to Tell
Life’s greatest challenges were still to come… In 2018, I discovered a lump that forever altered my path. The subsequent orchidectomy and chemotherapy tested my spirit, but I refused to let it define me.
Until a lifesaving phone call one morning with a friend who suggested my increasing temp maybe needed a little check-up – I don’t say it often but, he was right – I had developed neutropenic sepsis (quite common in 50% of chemo patients)
So, while the consultant was chastising me for Uber-ing to hospital, with no change of clothes, as i only planned a short visit – her team of medics were trying to cannula me up to urgently get antibiotics in me – as she also told me I wouldn’t have been able to have called, had I left it another day!
Madonna’s haunting ballad, “Live to Tell,” encapsulates my journey of resilience, reminding us to rise above our struggles and inspire positive change and don’t just take a paracetamol to bring your temperature down when you have no neutrophils or antibodies to fight off infections!!
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” – Maya Angelou
Nobody knows Me
With unwavering determination, after three weeks in hospital (loved the food and the Lotus biscoff biscuits) I decided to seize life by the balls (ball) so to speak, and moved to London, seeking new beginnings, fresh perspectives and unbeknown to me at the time, I was heading into a perfect storm!
Take a Bow
My biggest challenge began to simmer while the world was dealing with covid. I began to date a guy I had been chatting with on Insta.
We dated for two years despite a deep and unwavering gut feeling of knowing – it eventually surfaced that he was entangled in a situationship with another man’s husband (for the same two years – and sometime before it became apparent after our break-up)
The lies, disrespect, and gaslighting pushed me to breaking point. As when I raised my suspicions, I was crazy, it was my drinking, I was ludicrous, how dare I suggest such a thing – but sometimes you just know, unsure how or what but always listen to your intuition, it should be trusted more than the ego!
But I stayed my course, even when the red flags flew when he once stopped me talking about my cancer battle, when I was asked about it by his friends!?
As no matter how grey the clouds or battling the winds – remain steadfast and you shall get your Ray of Light!
Joan of Arc
Now, I am not perfect, nor a saint…but I am loyal, with integrity. I endured that relationship longer than I should. Simply for the validation that I was not crazy, and it was not in my head.
Despite everything (and everyone) telling me to walk away. I had convinced myself I needed proof, so I could Live to Tell my truth with dignity.
Six-months after I should have done it, I finally embraced The Power of Goodbye –and told him I knew everything!
It was this experience that sent me into a breakdown that propelled me to embark on a path of self-realisation. Being an Unapologetic Bitch and living life authentically and pursuing my own happiness.
Vogue
Through the highs and lows, I learned that life is a delicate balance, much like the melodies Madonna weaves in her songs. It is these experiences that propelled me to establish Pure Confidence Coaching.
My mission and life purpose is to support and guide you to unlock your potential, embracing your true self, and live as your true authentic self. Don’t just sit there, let’s get to it!! Oh and guys, check your balls!!!
Now, my unwavering optimism appears to have been with me from a young age, as my late Nan often enjoyed reminding me of a time when I was little, and the two of us were walking into town for groceries. I was holding her hand and doing a one-legged skip…when I looked up at her and said, “beautiful day isn’t it nan”.
My comment that day always made her smile when she thought about it, as when she regaled the tale she never failed to remind me that it was absolutely pissing it down on our walk!
So, let Madonna’s empowering tunes and insight into my Veni Vidi Vici story be a reminder, you too can embrace life’s symphony, and do a one-legged skip in the rain!!
Life’s hurdles can either keep you in your comfort zone or you can use your experiences, though at times painful, to provide the catalyst for your transformation. Sometimes your life has to fall apart, for you to know hw to put it back together again.
If you want to find your purpose, unlock your potential, cultivate meaningful relationships and master your ego. I will be your guide, supporting you to live a life you love while also empowering you with Pure Confidence and empowering optimism.
Pure Confidence Coaching - Live a Life You Love 
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